The First 48

This title came to me as I watched my youngest child walk into his dorm after we dropped him off at college. I’m guessing because my son grew up from too young of an age watching crime dramas with me. This particular show revolves around the theory that the first 48 hours after a crime are crucial in it being solved. While my son leaving for college does not constitute a crime, I kept thinking that if I could just make it through the first 48 hours then everything would be okay; as if magically there would be a resolution to this thing they call the “empty nest syndrome”.

The 2 1/2 hour car ride home was painful, with bouts of tears occurring throughout. A song, a landmark, the quiet in the car all reminded me of the piece that was suddenly missing from our family.

My husband, although dealing with his own loss, comforted and consoled me the best he could. But his normal humor that he often uses to cheer me up was replaced with reassurances for our future. This was a sure sign that although outwardly he was more stoic than me, he too was struggling with this sudden void.

Before our son left for school, I asked my husband if we could make a pact. We have made several pacts throughout our 34 years together; some we’ve kept and others have long been forgotten. My husband is usually less than thrilled when I suggest a pact. This one involved a promise to each other to try something new or spontaneous together every month regardless of how small or insignificant. (To be fully transparent this isn’t the first time we’ve made this pact). I was pleasantly surprised when Sunday evening (Hour 30) he suggested we go to a movie.

My first thought was, “but it’s a school/work night” and my instinct was to shoot it down. But, remembering our recent pact, I quickly adjusted my attitude and was all in. He instinctively knew that what I needed was to temporarily leave this house that seemed strangely quiet and empty without the constant chatter of our son and his friends. This small gesture on his part brought me an unexpected calm and offered all of the reassurance I needed that our lives would go on in spite of our nest being empty. A thousand words couldn’t have comforted me more. This man who has loved me for over 2/3 of my life knew more of what I needed than even I knew.

And on the bright side, I didn’t cry myself to sleep that second night and it was only hour 36. So that’s progress, right?